He needs an infusion whats his blood type?!. One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, Woman Wears Red Dress To Cousin's Wedding To Show That She Slept With The Groom First, But The Bride Outsmarts Her, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Artist Creates Fun Comics With Unpredictable Endings That Poke Fun At Our Society (30 New Pics), Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. What The Bible Says About Lustful And Nasty Thoughts. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. If "yes", you'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com. Dr. Young: "But this is only $500" Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. By queensland university of technology. We have to open you back up., A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. he asked. 11. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!Doctor: Try to block out the pain., Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. ", A doctor says, "The good news is it's all in your head.". Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: Mercury is in Uranus right now. 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. My son swallowed a razor-blade., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. 13: I'd like to think inside your box. i have an imaginary girlfriend.. I don't need to write it down." We think the doctor would do a way better job than us. Prevention! Adam turned over a leaf to make an entry. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Never mind, I dont want to spread it around.". Here's your $1000 back." Funny medical one/two liners that really caught my attention. By: Murad ( 0) ( 0) Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine. It's either you're not in touch with reality or you just don't care! ", Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards.". Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound?". Because youre giving me a serious bone condition! Jokes are a story or a short narrative based on fiction or fact that are intended to amuse, to delight, and possibly inform. Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.Im OK, but I didnt like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery, he answered.What did he say? asked the nurse.OOPS!, Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny. ", A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?Three. Sigh", How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?Urology office can you hold?. The nurse who can smile when things go wrong. Why did the mattress go to the doctors?It had a spring fever. A doctor and a patient joke; What kind of bees produce milk? Whats the best place to hide from a doctor?The apple orchard. One day, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers. '", 9. 3. -"Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine.". Source: tabloidindia.com Why do surgeons wear masks?So that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake. A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. What happened?Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company., Are you an organ donor?No, but one time I donated an old piano to the Salvation Army!. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. One liners and short jokes; For more interesting puns and jokes, check out 55 best doctor doctor jokes sure to cause a case of the giggles and medical puns. What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? A stethoscope. "Give him a headache! says the doctor. A Graduate Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you cant read it. Tell you what, take this $10 bill and buy a new pair!, A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. 6 The Diagnosis. An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. Do you remember this song? ", "I went to the doctors yesterday and unfortunately he told me I lost 20% of my sight. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. What is the difference between god and an orthopedic surgeon. If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me? 4. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. This is her husband!, Doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. "Man: "And? ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. A new hybrid. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. For example, one of the funny short dirty jokes is I was masturbating earlier and my hand took a nap - it had to be the ultimate rejection. A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. Have you got anything to keep it in?' Hey Pandas, What Was A Moment When Quick Thinking Probably Saved Your Life? Doctors themselves have a great, if a little morbid, sense of humor. Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow., Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got a strawberry stuck in my ear!, Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?. Why did the rope go to the doctor?It had a knot in its stomach. Because you're making me drool. ", Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Get a lawyer. "Woman: "Oh, that's actually a nice name. I don't have a carbon footprint. . Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer ", A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. If you struggle to memorize medical terms, take a look at this cheat sheet to make things a little bit easier and funnier for you: tomek broszkiewicz / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Funny Bumper Sticker / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Here's the backstory: "I work in a medical clinic and I have a little fun with a patient one day when she complains her kids keep 'kung fu-ing' her front door. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Enjoy! One day, a woman walks into a doctors office. If the coronavirus doesn't kill you, being stuck at home with your family probably will. Was that vertigo? ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Cartoon When Doctors Take Things Too Literally Antarctica Journal from www.antarcticajournal.com "i was talking to your girlfriend.". Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor?He kept feeling jumpy. He rushes to the emergency room to get help. Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account (such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. I can tell whats wrong just by looking at them why cant you?The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. Also got a degree in English language and literature because grammar is important!Good coffee and good music make everything better. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im going to die in 59 seconds!Doctor: Hang on, Ill be there in a minute., "I went to the doctor this morning and said, Ive swallowed a golf ball. The doctor said, Yes, I can see its gone down a fairway.", The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?Yes, replied the patient faintly. But I stand corrected. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 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(International Talk Like A Pirate Day), Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. Dentists always get to the root of the problem. You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. ! the man goes, How could there possibly be worse news than that? Am I a non-competitive inhibitor? upvote downvote report. Answer: Only if you aim it well enough. Why did the robot go to the doctor?It had a virus! Was wilford brimley in yellowstone. See TOP 10 doctor one liners. Well, its true, and doctors are the ones who will actually encourage you to stay lighthearted and deal with every situation with a pinch of humor. ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia.Patient: Well, at least I dont have high blood pressure!. Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital""Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that. So it's no surprise that this translates into some great humor in the professional field. 1) Best Irish joke is "The Doctor.". "Patient: "120 what? If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. I cant stop my hands from shaking.Doctor: Do you drink often?Patient: Not really, I end up spilling most of it., Doctor: "You are very ill."Patient: "Is it okay if I get a second opinion? "The first lesson is that you must not be afraid of the human body, alive or dead" he says as some of the students are visibly uncomfortable. These amazing nurse jokes will give you a good belly laugh. The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. Get him vitamins. "Man "Why? "Doctor: "Wow! He turns to the group and says, "It was too small for a condor, too big for a sparrow. They were put in seperate examination rooms. ""Yes, says the doctor. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak Here are our favorite picks: I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. Share: A fat man goes for a medical check-up. A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Because I want to attach to your posterior region! Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. make soiled, filthy, or dirty; "don't soil your clothes when you play outside!" vile; despicable; "a dirty (or lousy) trick"; "a filthy traitor". Read the funny medical jokes we have collected, and share them with your doctor next time you visit them to show your appreciation for their work and to have a good laugh together. ", "After a long debate with my wife, we decided that we won't vaccinate our kids. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more? ER: The things on your head that you hear with, Genes: Blue denim slacks Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" One day, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers. One day, a woman walks into a doctors office.She has a cucumber in her nose, a carrot in her left ear, and a banana in her right ear.Whats wrong with me? she asks the doctor.Youre not eating properly, he replies. ", 2. It will be better in two weeks." 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. David: "Doctor, he didnt hang himself. Me: Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?, Patient: Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door. Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side?No worries, I hear hes all right now! Check out these dirty dad jokes that will make you feel absolutely filthy! u/daugarten. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Hey Pandas, What Was Your Popular Moment? 3. What is a double-blind study?Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram. A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup.Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, Well? Series: World Series of military baseball, Medical Staff: A doctor's cane I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. the man pleads.The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. ", "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office. Patient: "Someone vandalized my house last night! "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies. There is no end to the number of fully medical jokes that can be made. By queensland university of technology. You know how they say that laughter prolongs life? Have you done anything yet?Yea, I shaved with the electric razor., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood.
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